Yo Jesus so fat, they had to anoint him in oil just to get him into the cave.
Yo Jesus so fat, they had to reinforce his cross with re-bar.
Yo' Jesus so fat, a communion cracker has more transfat than a twinkie.
Yo' Jesus so fat, the Romans had to trade in their spears for harpoons.
Yo' Jesus so fat, the last supper was also the first 4th meal.
Yo' Jesus so fat, when he travels back to earth he'll have to buy two seats instead of one.
Yo Jesus so poor, he had to wash dishes after the last supper to pay for his meal.
Yo Jesus so poor, he had to put his cross on layaway.
Yo Jesus so poor, he has to call collect to answer your prayers.
Yo Jesus so poor, his image appeared on the front of a food stamp.
Yo Jesus so skinny, they nailed him to the cross with a thumbtack.
Yo Moses so old, he wrote the ten commandments on his gallstones.
Yo Moses so old, he used his beard to wipe his ass.
Yo Judas so greedy, not only did he betray Jesus for 30 sheckles, he charged pay-per-view for the crucifixion.
Yo Virgin Mary so easy, she got knocked up by God, the Father and the Holy Ghost.
Yo Lot so horny, he had three more daughters.
Yo Mama so old, she's got an autographed copy of the Bible.